


If I killed someone for you

by kirstenreads



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Age Not Specified, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aunt May is dead, Choose any age for them, Endgame never happened, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Height difference, Hurt Peter Parker, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other, Peter is about 21, Smol Peter Parker, Wade is 30, based on a prompt, eventual irondad, maybe slowburn, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22279138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirstenreads/pseuds/kirstenreads
Summary: Prompt: In a deep depression you decide to end your life. You don't dare do it yourself so you hire an assassin to do it at random within a year. The following day you change your mind but cant get hold of the assassin.But with spideypool-repost on my new account cause the other one was deleted-
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	If I killed someone for you

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story on the now orphaned kirstenreads. But then my brother deleted my account, so I created a new kirstenreads, and reposted this story on here. I am not stealing this story in any way as it is my own, just on another account. Thank you. 
> 
> Based on this prompt I found on Tumblr, but I cant remember who posted it: 
> 
> Prompt: In a deep depression you decide to end your life. You don't dare do it yourself so you hire an assassin to do it at random within a year. The following day you change your mind but cant get hold of the assassin.
> 
> Story Title based on Alec Benjamins song, 'If I Killed Someone For You. '
> 
> I hope you enjoy  
> xoxo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: In a deep depression you decide to end your life. You don't dare do it yourself so you hire an assassin to do it at random within a year. The following day you change your mind but cant get hold of the assassin.
> 
> But with spideypool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw this prompt on tumblr and decided to try it out. Cant remember whose prompt it is but here:
> 
> In a deep depression you decide to end your life. You don't dare do it yourself so you hire an assassin to do it at random within a year. The following day you change your mind but cant get hold of the assassin.
> 
> Oh and title inspired by Alec Benjamin's song 'If I Killed Someone for You'.

_"Depression, (noun) feelings of severe despondency and dejection."_  
However, what the dictionary fails to mention is that depression can shape or break someone's life. It influences your motivation, your energy, your happiness. It can be feeling everything but nothing at the same time.

It can be the constant feeling of sadness, but is is also hidden in happiness.  
It is when you lie awake, feeling numb at 2am but laughing with your friends at 2pm. It's not eating because you just cant be bothered but it is over-eating because of the emptiness you feel inside.

 _"Anxiety, (noun) anxious feeling or state."_  
Anxiety, like depression changes one's life. Anxiety is when you have a paper in class that you want to crumple up, but you fear that the crumpling noise will draw attention to yourself and that is the last thing you want. It is when you get up to throw the paper away, but are anxious that everyone will stare at you. Once you get up, you are scared that you'll trip and fall, resulting in people to look or laugh at you. And on, and on, the spiral of "what if's" continues.

Having both, is a nightmare.

Peter Parker. A young college-student with his whole life ahead of him. Yet to him, he wishes it would end. He sits on bed, numb, empty and thinking about his day. A phone clutched in one hand and in the other, a piece if paper. He wants to get up, go patrol but he just cant. His limbs wont function. And the guilt eats him alive.

He thinks about the people he could be helping if he patrolled, but then his thoughts change into the people he couldn't save on patrol. This leads to him thinking about whether he is actually helping save people. He fears he wont. So he lies on his bed, in the dark of the night and thinks.

He thinks about the people he encountered and the he words exchanged throughout the day. He thinks about Jonah Jameson and MJ and Ned and Gwen and Harry and Aunt May and, and, and.

However, his thoughts halt and make an abrupt turn. Soon enough, Peter is pondering about the words he regrets saying and the people he did not want to see. He thinks about how he didn't get enough pictures for enough money to pay his rent and taxes and tuition. And he hates himself for it. He thinks about how he is afraid of losing his best friends but how he just doesn't have the energy or motivation to see them. He thinks about how he could've saved Gwen and Harry and Aunt May. How he could've saved that little girl from the fire, but he was just too far away.

He hates himself for it.

He has thought about ending his life before. But his anxiety would take control of his mind and the what-if's would reappear. So he decided to end it in a way that could not be traced back to his own hand.

Peter brings the paper up to face to read the number again. After searching the deep, dark web for what felt like years, he finally found the number of the solution to his problem.

He sat up straight and dialed the number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl. I wrote this while listening to Lights Up and Adore You in a continuos loop.
> 
> Constructive criticism much appreciated. Or just straight up hate comments. I'll most likely agree with you.
> 
> Enjoy your day peeps.  
> xoxo


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